I still consider myself a new mum.
I’m still trying to figure shit out on a daily basis. Maybe we all are, babies or not.
I was an emotional person even before getting pregnant and having Alfie. Now it’s just on another level guys.
I mean, I was watching Carpool Karaoke and sobbed. Might have to do with the fact I’m no longer breastfeeding but still.
My emotions are more intense. It’s like I’ve hit a new deep in my emotions.
Don’t get me wrong I could go pretty deep before. I just think it’s a new level of deep. A new level of feeling the feels.
It can be exhausting. I wasn’t at all prepared for this before giving birth, even though the pregnancy itself is quite the hormonal roller coaster.
I don’t know how anyone could’ve explained it to me before the birth to be fair: ‘Oh ehm gee, of course you’re going to be exhausted as you’ve had a new baby’ – hellooo!
But the feelings get to me more in a way. It seems more amplified whether it’s good or bad!
One example I can give is the night time breastfeeding cries – I’m not alone with this one. I’ve spoken to other mums and got an ‘oh yeah the night feed cries, yeah I know them well’. Why is this not common knowledge? Why was I not aware of this?
I was sitting in bed in the middle of the night or early morning (it’s all very fuzzy in the beginning – time is a nothingness), feeding my gorgeous, amazing, precious little baby and just sobbed. Tears were streaming down my face and probably soaked little Alfie’s pyjamas.
Apparently that is normal.
I’m glad it’s normal but I wish I had known before as I was worried I was mentally unwell.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t crying because I had bad feelings towards my baby, motherhood or anything like that. It was a mixture of crying out of exhaustion and overwhelming emotions all wrapped up in a wonderfully tearful moment.
It happened quite a few times in the first three months I have to say. I think Jack might be surprised reading about this. No he won’t. He knows me very well and all my emotions.
What am I trying to say with this blog post? THAT IT’S AN EMOTIONAL TIME, OK SUSAN?! (WHO’S SUSAN?)
But I am embracing it. Please try to do the same if you’re feeling all the feels. No matter if you’re a new parent, been a parent for years, expecting a baby or never going to be a parent.
Emotions are a beautiful thing to feel. All of them. The sadness, the grief over the life you lived that will never be again (ah, those spontaneous drunken nights with the girls), the joy, the happiness, the fear and the absolute, utter and total love. Feel it all.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath acknowledge the emotion you feel right in this moment and exhale. Great isn’t it?
Becoming a mum for the first time is not easy on the body or the mind. I am very fortunate in that I have a great support network. I have people around me to help and look after me.
One friend of ours kept making food so I could just heat it up. We have amazing neighbours who have been able to take Milo out for walks and Jack’s parents are always a massive help.
But if you’re emotions are getting the better of you and you feel so overwhelmed it feels like you’re drowning – never be afraid to reach out to someone for help. It is important we take care of ourselves.
If you are living in the UK please see below some places you can reach out to if your emotions are becoming too big to handle:
If you’re a new mum you can always reach out to your GP and/or Health Visitor.
Samaritans – for everyone
Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men
Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day
Papyrus – for people under 35
Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm
Text 07786 209697
Childline – for children and young people under 19
Call 0800 1111 – the number won’t show up on your phone bill
The Silver Line – for older people
Call 0800 4 70 80 90